Things Doms aren't supposed to talk about.

One of my moderators at MDS, Minofsin, posted a very provocative blog this evening about Dominants.   I’m posting it here because I really like it.  Sometimes I feel that being a dominant is sort of belonging to a really cool club with a bunch of cool people and everyone’s nodding that it’s all cool, except for those times when you just want to be.

Things Doms aren’t supposed to talk about.

by Minofsin

You don’t see many Dominants willing to discuss these things in public. One of the interesting things about the Roundtable program that is running here in Chicago and the MAsT meetings are the first times I have actually heard Dominants/Masters complain about the petty shit we aren’t supposed to mention anywhere else. Ok, maybe you hear complains, but it’s usually made in jest. But to hear other Dominants talk about their issues and their struggles not just with their relationships, but their own internal issues is refreshing.

We’re not alone.

But again, it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, unless I was seriously forced to at gunpoint, I’d never give this lifestyle up. It completes me in a way few others do. But there are times when I want to pull out what little hair I have left and scream to the top of my lungs, “I’m tired of being a fucking Dominant.” Some days, I only want to deal with myself and nothing and no one else.

If saying that causes some to shake their head and think (because of course no one would have the balls to say it) that I am not a “twue Dom” or that I am a “wanna be Dom” (as a foolish and insipid former sub once referred to me) then so be it.

The reality is nothing is perfect. When I was reading that other blog I referenced earlier, it resonated with me on several levels. Because some of what she wrote has been told to me, personally. We all have off days and off moments when we doubt ourselves and what we are doing. It’s just the slaves and subs seem to be more honest and open about it.

While I have not had any such thoughts in a while, now and then it DOES happen. As I am learning, it’s natural. It’s part of the process. Even when I was happily married (for like those 5 or 6 days — LOL), there were times when I wanted to run away. I Love my son more than anything else on this planet, but there are times I’d like to drop kick his ass into the next garbage truck. Don’t even get me started on my mother.

As much pleasure as I get from all of this, from time to time it can be a bit much, and it is. Then, just as quickly as the frustration manifests, it goes away and the regularity of my life returns. Which is why I always say, don’t act out of anger. Because when that anger go away, the only thing you are left with is shit.

We build up these relationships to be some sort of Utopian vision of domestic bliss, when the reality is they are just like any other type of relationship. Yes, they are wonderful, but they can also make one’s ass itch. The itching, however, is temporary. But if it is consistent, then there are larger problems.

I think we all need to vent and purge now and then. I hope I don’t get kicked out of the Dom Club for saying any of this, but it needs to be said. Behind all the bravado and all the posturing is most likely a Dominant who sometimes gets just as frustrated as someone on the other end of it.

It’s called real life. Something I think many people could learn.