PLS Is a Barren, Desolate Wasteland

Kinda quiet around here, isn’t it? Yes, ever since autumn rolled around the blog seems to have fallen into a dark, stagnant malaise, a funk which is reflected not only in its content (he said, as though he was not himself partially responsible for the blog’s content) but also, somehow, in the search engine terms which lead readers to this site. Remember the good old days, when people found PLS by looking for all types of crazy, morally reprehensible things? These days our search engine terms just seem to show the same stuff, over and over.

Take the terms for this past Sunday, for example:

Eminem, John Belanger, sperm sharking. Ten terms, and not a single one I haven’t seen a thousand times before.

Still, there have been a few terms that I felt were worth commenting on, so without further ado, here they are (in compact, appealing list format):

The Top 3 PLS Search Engine Terms Worth Commenting On

3. “walter brimley”

I can’t tell you how many people have found our blog by searching this name. (Okay, I can. It’s eleven.) Obviously this term is leading people to Sam’s controversial post on John Fox, but the guy Fox replaced was named Wilford Brimley, not Walter. I know this may not seem like a big deal, but I can’t help but feel that we’re preventing people from finding information about Walter A. Brimley, CLU, the Flint, Michigan financial advisor. I can barely sleep at night thinking about how many clients that man must have lost to this blog.

By the way, how much must it suck to be constantly mistaken for a celebrity who doesn’t even really have the same name as you? Oh, wait…

2. “military fetish”

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m getting sick of these damn fetishes.  You’re looking for a military fetish?  Really?  Well, fine, here you go:

Nah, this is just the Care Bears again. I was going to Photoshop General Ray Odierno's head onto the body of a girl in a camo bikini, but... I don't know. I'm just not up to that today.

1. “dick fetish”

God damn it.  You don’t have a “fetish,” you’re just a straight woman or a gay man.

I really am sick of this.  You know what, here’s some classy stuff:

Mozart!

Chichen Itza!

Sodium bicarbonate molecule!

There.  The next time I check our search engine terms I better not see any dick fetishes.